This is Brian with another blog post. Wendi's ashes were buried last Friday, November 6, 2009. She has been laid to rest at Dearborn Cemetery in Poway. Here's the website:
http://www.dearborncemetery.net
There's no headstone right now; it takes several weeks to have it made, so it will probably be another month or more before there's a headstone to visit.
I'm not sure what else to put on this blog. Unless someone requests otherwise, this will probably be the last post. Wendi has been laid to rest. Her journey has ended; it didn't end the way any of us hoped it would, but it has ended nonetheless. I don't think it makes sense for me to talk about what it's like to lose my wife to cancer, for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, this was Wendi's blog, not mine. It was intended to tell her story, not mine. Second, I'm not sure how much description I can give such a horribly devastating sense of loss. It's something you either understand or you don't. Millions of people have gone through this process, and now I have to go through it. Wendi would have wanted me to move on; she would have wanted me to live my life to the fullest, just as she did. That will happen with time, but for now, I still have to grieve the loss of my wife. She was a wonderful, special woman, and I will miss her terribly.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
There is something you can do
This is Brian with another rambling thought. (I often have rambling thoughts when I'm still up after 1:00 a.m.) First of all, I wanted to express how much we have all appreciated the outpouring of support from everybody. One thing that has struck me in particular, though, is how the majority of the messages end with some variant of "Let me know if there's anything I can do." I have thought about that at length, and I usually can't think of anything. Time and God will have to heal my emotional wounds; other than that, what can anyone do? But then it occurred to me... there is something each one of you can do. If you have kids, you can give them an extra-tight, extra-long hug. Let them know how much you love them, let them know how proud you are of them, and let them know how many wondrous and amazing things this world has to offer. If you have a spouse, let him/her know how much you appreciate what he/she does for the family and for the marriage. If you and your spouse are arguing over something, ask yourself if the argument is really worth it in the grand scheme of things. If you have friends, let them know how much you value the time you spend together and the things you do together. Let your parents and/or siblings know how much they mean to you. That trip or that activity you have been talking or thinking about doing, but haven't actually done... what's stopping you? If it's not likely to kill you or leave you bankrupt, what are you waiting for? As Wendi told me about a week before she passed away, life is meant to be lived, not wasted.
The old saying is true — every day is a gift from God. I didn't realize how true that was until my wife had no more days left. A simple conversation... how easy is that to take for granted? My wife spent about one-fourth of her time in the hospital unconscious and unable to communicate with anyone. Don't take your life, your health or your relationships for granted, because they are all more fragile than many of us realize. Give thanks to God for what you have, because whether you realize it or not, you have so much more than you know.
The old saying is true — every day is a gift from God. I didn't realize how true that was until my wife had no more days left. A simple conversation... how easy is that to take for granted? My wife spent about one-fourth of her time in the hospital unconscious and unable to communicate with anyone. Don't take your life, your health or your relationships for granted, because they are all more fragile than many of us realize. Give thanks to God for what you have, because whether you realize it or not, you have so much more than you know.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
More details on Wendi's memorial service
This is Brian with an update on Wendi's upcoming memorial service. I have had quite a few people asking about gifts, flowers, etc. We're covered as far as flowers, and gifts are not necessary. However, if you feel so inclined, you can make a donation to a charity.
Since she was a flight attendant for seven years, Wendi's favorite charity was Airline Ambassadors:
Airline Ambassadors
Wendi always adored animals. Shortly after I met her, her family had to put down their 19-year-old cat; she really took that hard. I'm sure she would appreciate donations to the San Diego Humane Society:
San Diego Humane Society
If you prefer to donate to a cancer-related charity in Wendi's memory, either of these charities would be fine. Her married name was Wendi Rentschler.
The Cancer Project
American Cancer Society
If you have any more questions, feel free to use my Facebook account (or Wendi's Facebook account) to send me an e-mail. I have access to both accounts, so I'll get the message either way.
Since she was a flight attendant for seven years, Wendi's favorite charity was Airline Ambassadors:
Airline Ambassadors
Wendi always adored animals. Shortly after I met her, her family had to put down their 19-year-old cat; she really took that hard. I'm sure she would appreciate donations to the San Diego Humane Society:
San Diego Humane Society
If you prefer to donate to a cancer-related charity in Wendi's memory, either of these charities would be fine. Her married name was Wendi Rentschler.
The Cancer Project
American Cancer Society
If you have any more questions, feel free to use my Facebook account (or Wendi's Facebook account) to send me an e-mail. I have access to both accounts, so I'll get the message either way.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Memorial service for Wendi
This is Brian with another update. I wanted to let everybody know about the upcoming memorial service for Wendi. Anyone who wants to attend is welcome.
Date: Saturday, October 17, 2009
Time: 3:00 p.m.
Place: Tierrasanta Seventh-day Adventist Church
Address: 11260 Clairemont Mesa Blvd., San Diego, CA 92124
Here's a map in case you need directions. If you need more information than what I have given here, send a private message on Facebook to either me or Wendi (I have access to both accounts).
View Larger Map
Date: Saturday, October 17, 2009
Time: 3:00 p.m.
Place: Tierrasanta Seventh-day Adventist Church
Address: 11260 Clairemont Mesa Blvd., San Diego, CA 92124
Here's a map in case you need directions. If you need more information than what I have given here, send a private message on Facebook to either me or Wendi (I have access to both accounts).
View Larger Map
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Some words from Wendi's parents
This is Brian. I received an e-mail earlier today from Wendi's parents, and I wanted to include that here. I can't think of anything more appropriate to add to this blog than her parents' thoughts and feelings regarding this incredibly difficult ordeal.
This is to let you know of Wendi’s passing last night, October 10th at 7 PM at Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla, California. She put up a courageous fight, but in the end, the cancer was too aggressive and fast spreading. Right now, Shirley, Steven and I are in shock and overwhelmed with grief. It is so difficult to see someone so energized and outgoing go through the ravages of cancer. Because she was in such severe pain caused by her tumors the surgery was moved up two weeks sooner than planned. It was hoped that removing the tumors and other affected parts of her uterus would eliminate her pain and stem the spread of the cancer. It was planned that after she healed from the surgery, chemo would be utilized to root out and damage any of the cancer not removed by surgery. Her surgery was performed on September 15th and lasted about 5 hours. Immediately thereafter, the surgeon indicated that this was one of the most difficult surgeries he had performed but thought everything went very well. However, that proved not to be the case. The subsequent 26 days have been like a roller coaster ride with days of euphoria followed by despair.
Wendi had what is called “undifferentiated high grade uterine sarcoma,” a rare type of uterine cancer that forms in muscle or other tissues of the uterus (the small, hollow, pear-shaped organ in a woman’s pelvis in which a fetus develops). It usually occurs after menopause and therefore perplexing to us and her physicians as why Wendi, at age 41, had this type. She was in so much pain before surgery because the tumor in her uterus had grown to the size of a small grapefruit in just a few weeks of diagnosis. To put in perspective how fast spreading this type of cancer is, Wendi was first diagnosed with it in July of this year. Even after the surgery it was revealed that it had spread to both lungs and liver. Still, with chemo after recovering from the surgery, we thought this could be managed. However, as time went on it became apparent that her immune system was overwhelmed fighting the cancer and healing was not going well. Even during the last few days we saw visual evidence that it has spread to her skull. She was surrounded by loved ones to the end. One final note, Brian’s father is a retired oncologist and his mother a registered nurse. Their bedside vigilance, care and love, were an unbelievable comfort to us all. Brian and his family is the best thing that ever happened to Wendi. She was absolutely smitten with every one.
Also, I would like to mention that Wendi was an organ donor, but because of the cancer and infection the only thing that can be used are her corneas – this is the type caring, giving person she was. The past several years were the happiest of her life, finding the love of her life, Brian… they were ready to take on the world! She loved her new job as a medical assistant at Scripps Clinic and was looking forward to going back to school to become an RN.
With all the pain she was having before the surgery, she never complained of any pain from this complicated surgery after. She was well medicated and the dosage increased as needed. Brian spent the last two nights with Wendi in her hospital bed, which we believe she was somehow aware. Her breathing patterns calmed down at these times. It was an extremely therapeutic and calming experience for all of us. I have never witnessed anyone actually passing on from this life before, but it was the most inspirational thing I have ever seen. She was not in pain, but the last stage was of her breath becoming more shallow, slower, and quiet. Her last breath was so serene, peaceful and inspirational. It was the softest, most tender thing I have ever witnessed. (This is Shirley speaking) Thanks to all for your love, support, prayers, and concerns during this excruciating time. We truly understand now what a “heavy heart” means.
Tommy and Shirley
This is to let you know of Wendi’s passing last night, October 10th at 7 PM at Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla, California. She put up a courageous fight, but in the end, the cancer was too aggressive and fast spreading. Right now, Shirley, Steven and I are in shock and overwhelmed with grief. It is so difficult to see someone so energized and outgoing go through the ravages of cancer. Because she was in such severe pain caused by her tumors the surgery was moved up two weeks sooner than planned. It was hoped that removing the tumors and other affected parts of her uterus would eliminate her pain and stem the spread of the cancer. It was planned that after she healed from the surgery, chemo would be utilized to root out and damage any of the cancer not removed by surgery. Her surgery was performed on September 15th and lasted about 5 hours. Immediately thereafter, the surgeon indicated that this was one of the most difficult surgeries he had performed but thought everything went very well. However, that proved not to be the case. The subsequent 26 days have been like a roller coaster ride with days of euphoria followed by despair.
Wendi had what is called “undifferentiated high grade uterine sarcoma,” a rare type of uterine cancer that forms in muscle or other tissues of the uterus (the small, hollow, pear-shaped organ in a woman’s pelvis in which a fetus develops). It usually occurs after menopause and therefore perplexing to us and her physicians as why Wendi, at age 41, had this type. She was in so much pain before surgery because the tumor in her uterus had grown to the size of a small grapefruit in just a few weeks of diagnosis. To put in perspective how fast spreading this type of cancer is, Wendi was first diagnosed with it in July of this year. Even after the surgery it was revealed that it had spread to both lungs and liver. Still, with chemo after recovering from the surgery, we thought this could be managed. However, as time went on it became apparent that her immune system was overwhelmed fighting the cancer and healing was not going well. Even during the last few days we saw visual evidence that it has spread to her skull. She was surrounded by loved ones to the end. One final note, Brian’s father is a retired oncologist and his mother a registered nurse. Their bedside vigilance, care and love, were an unbelievable comfort to us all. Brian and his family is the best thing that ever happened to Wendi. She was absolutely smitten with every one.
Also, I would like to mention that Wendi was an organ donor, but because of the cancer and infection the only thing that can be used are her corneas – this is the type caring, giving person she was. The past several years were the happiest of her life, finding the love of her life, Brian… they were ready to take on the world! She loved her new job as a medical assistant at Scripps Clinic and was looking forward to going back to school to become an RN.
With all the pain she was having before the surgery, she never complained of any pain from this complicated surgery after. She was well medicated and the dosage increased as needed. Brian spent the last two nights with Wendi in her hospital bed, which we believe she was somehow aware. Her breathing patterns calmed down at these times. It was an extremely therapeutic and calming experience for all of us. I have never witnessed anyone actually passing on from this life before, but it was the most inspirational thing I have ever seen. She was not in pain, but the last stage was of her breath becoming more shallow, slower, and quiet. Her last breath was so serene, peaceful and inspirational. It was the softest, most tender thing I have ever witnessed. (This is Shirley speaking) Thanks to all for your love, support, prayers, and concerns during this excruciating time. We truly understand now what a “heavy heart” means.
Tommy and Shirley
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Wendi's journey has ended
This is Brian with an update on Wendi. Tonight I am reporting something I had hoped I would never have to — Wendi has lost her battle with cancer. She fought it very bravely and admirably; we were always very proud of how she handled herself throughout her terrible ordeal. She died peacefully on Saturday, October 10. We observed her death at 7:00 p.m., but the Operation Supervisor pronounced the official time of death at 7:42 p.m. (That's not because our observation was wrong; it's just because the Operation Supervisor didn't come into the room until around 7:40 p.m.)
Wendi died peacefully, surrounded by family — her parents, me, my mother, my brother and his girlfriend, as well as my sister and her baby son. We all told her how much we loved her and how much she meant to us as she took her last few breaths. It was very calm and peaceful. Many more friends and family members came to visit her in the few days before she passed away; we wanted to let them know how much we appreciated them coming to see her. I'm sure she appreciated the visits in her own way, even if she couldn't respond.
In particular, we wanted to thank Wendi's cousin, Cindy, for suggesting that we sleep beside her in her hospital bed. I spent most of the last two days and nights next to her in the hospital bed; she seemed calmer when I was holding her. I was very happy to see both of her parents lying next to her in the hospital bed throughout the last two days. It was a great way to let Wendi know, without ever saying a word, how much she meant to us, so thank you for that, Cindy.
Obviously, there are some arrangements that need to be made, as well as some other things that need to be written here. That will happen when the right time comes, but right now everyone is too overwhelmed with grief to do very much in that regard. We will post updates here about Wendi and the memorial arrangements over the next few days. We are all devastated; we had hoped for the best for Wendi. We never expected to lose her so soon. My beautiful, intelligent, caring, and funny wife has gone home to be with God. I like to think that God thought heaven needed more of a sense of humor. For that, I can't imagine a better fit for the job than Wendi.
More updates soon...
Wendi died peacefully, surrounded by family — her parents, me, my mother, my brother and his girlfriend, as well as my sister and her baby son. We all told her how much we loved her and how much she meant to us as she took her last few breaths. It was very calm and peaceful. Many more friends and family members came to visit her in the few days before she passed away; we wanted to let them know how much we appreciated them coming to see her. I'm sure she appreciated the visits in her own way, even if she couldn't respond.
In particular, we wanted to thank Wendi's cousin, Cindy, for suggesting that we sleep beside her in her hospital bed. I spent most of the last two days and nights next to her in the hospital bed; she seemed calmer when I was holding her. I was very happy to see both of her parents lying next to her in the hospital bed throughout the last two days. It was a great way to let Wendi know, without ever saying a word, how much she meant to us, so thank you for that, Cindy.
Obviously, there are some arrangements that need to be made, as well as some other things that need to be written here. That will happen when the right time comes, but right now everyone is too overwhelmed with grief to do very much in that regard. We will post updates here about Wendi and the memorial arrangements over the next few days. We are all devastated; we had hoped for the best for Wendi. We never expected to lose her so soon. My beautiful, intelligent, caring, and funny wife has gone home to be with God. I like to think that God thought heaven needed more of a sense of humor. For that, I can't imagine a better fit for the job than Wendi.
More updates soon...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Nearing the end
This is Brian with another update on Wendi. I'm afraid I have devastating news to report. Her condition has deteriorated faster than any of us thought. She only has a few more days to live, maybe less. She is unconscious, and it is unlikely that she will regain consciousness. Hospice is managing her care right now. She will be spending her remaining time in the hospital; she is not coming home. All we can do at this point is try to keep her as comfortable as we can. She cannot eat or drink on her own, and she is not receiving nutrition through her IV, since that would feed the cancer more than it would feed her body. It's only a matter of time now. This is an absolutely devastating situation; I truly thought she would be coming home to recover from the surgery. I had no idea any of this would happen. If you want to come and see her, it's probably best to do it as soon as you can. She probably won't know you're in the room, since she's unconscious.
I wish I had better news... I really do. I'm still in shock over how quickly everything has happened. My only consolation is that she's sleeping peacefully, and she's not in any pain. All we can do now is wait. I'll post another update when something changes.
I wish I had better news... I really do. I'm still in shock over how quickly everything has happened. My only consolation is that she's sleeping peacefully, and she's not in any pain. All we can do now is wait. I'll post another update when something changes.
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