Discouragement and hope

This is Brian with another update on Wendi. As confusing as it sounds, Wednesday left me feeling discouraged and hopeful at the same time. Wendi and I, along with both sets of parents, met with Dr. Bahador on Wednesday evening. (Wendi was only semi-conscious at the time.) Her bladder leak turned out to be a much bigger problem than I realized — not because of the condition itself, but because it's an indication that her body is not healing. Between the cancer, the trauma of the surgery she had in mid-September, etc., everything has ganged up on her and made it difficult for her to recover from the surgery. She's currently on a clear-liquid diet, she is only semi-conscious most of the time, and she hasn't gone on any walks since Saturday. Those things, combined with her bladder condition, are an indication that she is in poor health. Given her present condition, chemotherapy would be extremely harmful; it could even kill her. She is not a candidate for chemotherapy until she is much healthier and stronger than she is now (i.e. able to withstand the debilitating effects of chemo). To put it another way, unless and until she recovers from the surgery, she has no treatment options to slow the growth of her cancer.

The reason I heard from hospice reps the other day was because Wendi asked her doctor for more information. After hearing Dr. Bahador's explanation of her condition and his reasoning for why he can't give her chemo, I have to concur that hospice is the best route for Wendi, at least right now. I don't want her in the hospital anymore; it's not doing her any good. She's a handful for the nurses, and she has made it clear that she doesn't want to be there. Dr. Bahador has done everything for Wendi that he can, at least for now. She wants to go home; we need to let her do that.

The plan is to have Wendi stay at her parents' house, at least for starters. I'll call her case manager on Thursday morning and get the ball rolling on hospice arrangements. I hope to see her situated at her parents' house by Friday or Saturday. I believe Wendi's best chance for recovery is getting her out of the hospital and bringing her to a more familiar environment. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I believe she will give up and die sooner if she has to stay in the hospital much longer. Can she recover and receive chemotherapy before she loses her battle with cancer? There is no way to predict that; at this point, it's entirely up to her. It is possible for her to recover to the point where she can receive chemo, but if that's what she wants, she will have to fight harder than she has ever fought in her life.